As I sit here trying to put my thoughts on paper, I find myself struggling to make sense of my emotions. You see, I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a condition that causes me to feel intense emotions that are difficult to manage. It's like being on a rollercoaster ride where the highs are exhilarating, but the lows are unbearable.
At times, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, afraid of triggering a spiral of intense emotions that I won't be able to control. My mind is constantly racing with thoughts and feelings that are overwhelming and confusing. Sometimes, I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of emotions, unable to find solid ground.
“In the depths of my mind's abyss,
Emotions rage like a tempest's kiss.
Chaos reigns and I am adrift,
Lost in the sea of my BPD rift.”
Living with BPD has been a journey, one that has taught me a lot about myself and the world around me. It's forced me to confront my fears, to dig deep and examine the root causes of my emotions. I've had to learn how to regulate my emotions and develop coping mechanisms that work for me.
Despite the challenges that come with BPD, there is a silver lining. The intensity of my emotions has allowed me to tap into a well of creativity that I never knew existed. I've always loved writing, but since my diagnosis, I've found that writing is a way to express myself in a way that is both cathartic and healing.
“A life lived in extremes,
Emotions wild like flowing streams,
BPD, a rollercoaster ride,
Navigating the highs and lows inside.”
When I write, I feel like I'm able to give voice to the emotions that are swirling around inside me. It's a way to make sense of the chaos, to put my feelings into words that others can understand. Writing has become a lifeline, a way to connect with the world and to share my experiences with others who may be going through similar struggles.
Sometimes, I write about the darkness, the pain, and the loneliness that comes with BPD. Other times, I write about the beauty, the joy, and the love that is possible even in the midst of the struggle. Writing has taught me that there is power in vulnerability, in sharing our stories and connecting with others in a deep and meaningful way.
Living with BPD is not easy, but it has given me a gift. Through writing, I've been able to transform my pain into something beautiful, to find meaning in the struggle, and to connect with others in a profound way. And for that, I am grateful.
Having to live with BPD, can be described in 2 lines:
chaotic heart intertwined.”